Ah... the wedge. A summer staple for those of us lucky enough to go to big ol' country bonfires. Hell, a staple for anyone who has the urge to be cute while droppin' that thang on the floor. I love wedges, and for whatever reason my flat-shoe wearing family can't figure out how we walk around in them...like they aren't the easiest to walk in anyhow. Let's hear it for total foot support.

Spin that record, babe.

I'm one of those people that occasionally have a bit too much--all I can do to maintain sometimes is dance my buzz off.  After a serious accident involving spilled vodka-cranberry, a girl with bad highlights, a broken bottle of Miller and sky-high spiked heels I decided I should come up with a better way to drop it to the ground like I don't have manners. Enter the wedges.

The Marc by Marc Jacobs Red Floral Sandal Wedges are perfect for outdoorsy girls. Outdoorsy in that we like to get drunk on patios. My friend Kris moved to San Diego a few years ago and she kept talking about bonfires on the beach. As you know, I'm a big fan of bonfires, and I could never wrap my head around what I would wear on my feet at the beach. Because I'll be damned if I'm going to a party in flip-flops, regardless of where it's located or how difficult the terrain is. Obviously, wedges are an "outdoorsy" girl's best friend.

Remember how I said bruises are back in style, as far as makeup is concerened? Well, I've decided it's cool with clothing now too. The Alberta Ferretti Patent Mary Jane Wedge looks fantastic with dark wide legged dress pants of the black variety.

Welcome to the dollhouse.

I personally believe everything doll-baby is adorable. Baby doll dresses all the way to cute doll-ish shoes. Vaneli for Jildor's Byblos White/Black Patent wedges are adorable and make me yearn for those old school days when Courtney Love was still in Hole wearing those teeny tiny kinder-whore dresses with a hot-ass mess for a hairdo.

Look dad, we have shoes in common.

Seriously, ever since I was like... 5 my dad has worn deck shoes. At his fiftieth birthday party I looked around at the feet of all my uncles, all of their friends, and so on, and counted at least 24 pairs of deck shoes. Clearly these slightly sunburned pontoon-sporting guys knew something I didn't. This got me wondering how we could seriously cuten up the old man factor of deck shoes and make them completely acceptable summer shoes. Gojane.com beat me to the designing punch and started shelling out these PERFECT girly-recreations of my dad's one love in life.

Occasionally I have the overwhelming urge to dress corporate.

There's nothing like an adorable, perfectly fitted suit (I know I'M listening, Stacy and Clinton), big ol' office and tons of people to boss around. But why should you have to wear pinching tight heels all day when you're stressed out anyhow? Perfectly suited to be business-appropriate or night-out chic, the Chloe Black Patent Buckle Wedges are great for climbing the corporate ladder...or on top of the bar depending on what kind of girl you are.

Go baby, go go.

A girlfriend of mine bought these exact shoes at T J MAXX for upwards of 40 dollars, and I found them on gojane.com for $21.99. Point proven. Do your research before you buy. Anyhow, these Peep Toe Hidden Platfrom Wedges look amazing with a good mod dress, and the yellow is perfect for blondes with a desire to wear yellow, since you can't (says me and the rest of the world) wear yellow clothing.

Gojane.com has saved gladiators for me.

I'm disgusted and thrilled with the fact that I was slightly wrong about gladiator sandals. It blows my mind that all of these expensive designers make shoes that force me to show off my stunning digestive pyrotechnics, while cheapo favorite gojane.com has some that are not only adorable, but a fraction of a fraction of the price.

Sorry for the gojane.com and deck shoe explosion....

but you can't deny the overwhelming cuteness of plaid... or a deckshoe. So the two together are a sexy and casual power-house.

She's a cold hearted snake.

However, she's adorable as hell in these rockin' fuschia snakeskin peep toe wedges from...where else? Gojane.com. Maybe it's my childhood of t-top cars, Bon Jovi, boats and trucks, but something about snakeskin makes me warm and fuzzy inside. Hell, even if these shoes made me hard and cold inside I'd still sacrifice my personality to wear them.

Warning.

Gojane.com has, in fact, effed up big time with these hideous half-assed attempt at wedge...flip...flops I guess. If I ever catch any of you with these on your feet? I'm cutting them off at the ankles for your heresy against the shoe queen.