Dear Target,

I love you guys. Your stores have been a keen source of joy for over a decade now.  In fact, besides reading trashy novels and eating cookie dough direct from the tube, one of my favorite guilty pleasures is walking into your store, intending to buy only toilet paper or dental floss, but knowing perfectly well I'll be pushing a cart full of unnecessary purchases on my way out.

But you have got to get your act together with your makeup department. 

The theme of those aisles lately seems to be Plague Of Locusts, post-attack.  I show up with basket in hand, ready to shop, only to find a ghost town of orange lipsticks and picked-through piles of mascaras on the wrong side of "tampered with."  Is restocking your shelves not part of anybody's job description?  Do you only get one of everything, and when it's gone, it's gone?

And, are you ready to be embarrassed?  My quest last time: clear gloss.  Clear.  Gloss.  20 minutes of desperate searching later, I emerged from aisle 7 beaten, broken, shaking my fist at your merciless gods of merchandising, and vowing to make Rite Aid my new Target.  How can a self-respecting carrier of makeup not have clear gloss?

You guys are starting to act like pirates with a booty you won't share.  "We have e.l.f.!  We have Pixi! We have Boots!"  And yet, your treasure map leads to nothing but a few leftover bottles of makeup remover and foundation in every shade but mine.  Unless I'm meant to look longingly at the tags on your empty shelves and imagine a future when I might be there at the same time they've been freshly stocked?

After this last tragicomic visit, I fear you leave me no choice but to ban you as a supplier to my makeup bag.  Because the only thing worse than orange lipstick is...well, nothing. 

Image from redwing.com