A 'Dear John' letter to bob.

Dear bob:

By the time you read this, I'll be long gone. 

I don't quite know how to put this, but it — it's just that, well, I'm just not that into you anymore.

Look, it's not you, it's me. I've grown — and it's time for a change. Please don't take it personally. I mean, I still think you're totally cute. But so do a lot of other girls. And really, that's the problem.

It just seems like you've hooked up with someone new everywhere I go. I need someone who can commit to one person, and make me feel special and different. You know, if it were just a couple of extra girls on the side it would be easier to look the other way. But there have just been too, too many.

I never complained about your affair with Katie Holmes. I gave you a pass when I found out about your fling with Posh Spice. I thought to myself, "Bob can't help being the center of celebrity attention." Plus, at first I thought it was kind of cool that you were becoming famous. 

But then, remember what happened back in October, bob? I show up at work to find out that you've hooked up with over a dozen girls in my office. Then I discover that random girls all over the city had become involved with you. Now I come to find out Rachel Ray has a thing for you, too? What can she give you that I can't — a lousy 30 minute meal, or something? And for goodness sake, bob, Paris Hilton? Seriously, I hope you're using the right protection.

Sure, we had some good times. Remember that wild night we had when you wanted to try something new, and you ended up on your back all inverted, bob? Gee, that sure was one crazy night.

And I suppose I should at least be thankful you stayed away from Jennifer Aniston, because years ago I was betrayed by Jen. It was sad, too. Because when it was over, I felt like I lost a friend.

Please don't try to change my mind by telling me you can be different. I really have had enough. And I need some time to think before I make my next move.

Take good care of yourself, bob.

Sincerely,

Me 

P.S.  All of those blonde highlights you thought were real? I faked them.